For many separated parents, returning to court is the last thing they want to do. Yet disagreements about day‑to‑day parenting decisions, misunderstandings about orders, and communication breakdowns can make it feel inevitable. Using parenting coordination as an alternative to court puts you on a different path: a path that keeps families from returning to the courtroom and helps parents resolve issues quickly and respectfully.
In my work with separated parents, I have seen how this process can transform communication and create stability for children.
Why returning to court is rarely the best solution
When parents go back to court to resolve disputes, it can take months to get a hearing. The process is stressful, expensive, and often escalates tension between parents. During that time, children are caught in the middle, uncertain about what will happen next.
Family Court is designed for making final decisions, not for managing the everyday details of parenting. That is why so many families find themselves frustrated when new issues arise after orders are made.
How parenting coordination as an alternative to court is better for families
Parenting coordination is a structured, child‑focused process that helps parents implement and follow their parenting agreements or court orders. As a parenting coordinator, I work with both parents to resolve smaller disagreements before they grow into major disputes.
Instead of waiting months for a court decision, by using parenting coordination as an alternative to court, parents can raise an issue and have it addressed within days or weeks. The process is practical, responsive, and centred on what helps children most: calm, consistent cooperation between homes. And you don’t pay fees to lawyers.
Key differences between court and parenting coordination
| Aspect | Court process | Parenting coordination |
|---|---|---|
| Focus | Legal rights and compliance | Children’s wellbeing and practical solutions |
| Decision-making | Judge decides the outcome | Parents make decisions with coordinator guidance |
| Timeframe | Months or longer for a hearing | Issues addressed within days or weeks |
| Cost | High legal fees and time off work | Predictable, shared professional fees |
| Communication | Through lawyers or formal filings | Direct, structured, and solution-focused |
| Impact on children | High stress, uncertainty, exposure to conflict | Reduced conflict and more stable routines |
What happens in parenting coordination sessions
In our first session, I meet with each parent individually to understand the background, the existing orders or parenting plan, and the areas that are causing conflict. Together, we then agree on communication protocols, including how issues will be raised and discussed.
Subsequent sessions focus on practical problem‑solving. For example, parents might need help agreeing on school activities, managing holiday time, or handling changes to pick‑up arrangements. These are not major legal disputes, but they can cause significant stress if not managed well.
I guide parents through structured discussions so they can reach their own solutions. When agreement is not possible, I can make recommendations.
Why this process works better for families
Parenting coordination gives parents a consistent way to manage conflict, rather than reacting in crisis. It helps them shift from a legal mindset (focusing on winning or proving a point) to a parenting mindset: what does our child need right now?
This change in perspective reduces tension and creates space for cooperation. Over time, many parents find they no longer need as much support because communication naturally improves.
How parenting coordination supports children
Children feel safest when their parents can communicate calmly and make predictable decisions. Parenting coordination reduces the emotional pressure children experience when parents argue or send mixed messages.
When parents resolve issues quickly, children see less conflict and experience more stability. It also models healthy problem‑solving, showing tamariki, that even when parents disagree, they can work things out respectfully.
Who can benefit from parenting coordination
Parenting coordination can help when:
- Parents have court orders or a parenting plan but continue to disagree about details
- Communication often leads to conflict
- The same issues keep resurfacing
- Children are showing signs of stress due to parental tension
- Parents want to avoid court but need professional guidance
How parenting coordination fits within the family justice system
Parenting coordination complements, rather than replaces, mediation and legal advice. It provides continuity for families after orders are made, helping ensure those orders are followed and adapted in real‑life situations.
In many other countries, such as the United States and Canada, parenting coordination is a standard post‑orders support option, and it is becoming more common in Australia. It fills the gap between mediation and court: a gap that often leaves families without practical help.
Final thoughts
Court can decide the rules, but it cannot teach parents how to communicate. Working with a parenting coordinator and using parenting coordination as an alternative to court gives you tools to do that, helping you make decisions together and keep life calmer for your children and your whānau.
If you are considering returning to court, it might be worth exploring whether a parenting coordinator can help instead. Often, the fastest and most peaceful path forward is not through a courtroom, it is through structured, child‑focused communication.
About the author
I am Jennifer Hetherington, a Parenting Coordinator, Mediator, and Family Dispute Resolution Provider.
Having worked as a Parenting Coordinator in Australia since 2019, I was the first Parenting Coordinator in Aotearoa New Zealand and am the founder of Parenting Coordination New Zealand.
I help separated parents across Aotearoa New Zealand and Australia reduce conflict, problem solve and build healthier coparenting relationships.