The holidays can bring joy, excitement and stress when parents are navigating shared care arrangements. It’s a season that shines a light on every difference in expectations: who gets Christmas morning, where the kids will sleep on Boxing Day, and how much travel is too much.
At Parenting Coordination New Zealand (PCNZ), we often remind parents that the best holiday plan is one built on clarity and fairness, not assumptions or emotion.
Start with predictability
Children cope best when they know what’s coming. If the schedule changes year to year, share it early and talk through what will happen. Visual calendars, countdowns, or printed copies help younger children feel secure.
Keep “fair” in perspective
Fair doesn’t always mean 50/50 on the day. Sometimes fairness means balancing the experience; one parent might have Christmas Day this year, and the other gets New Year’s Eve or the family camping trip next time.
Write it down
Even when communication is good, memories fade, and interpretations differ. Putting the holiday plan in writing avoids confusion and helps everyone stick to what’s agreed.
Plan for rest
It’s tempting to fill every moment, but children often need downtime between family gatherings. Leave space for quiet time, sleep-ins, or just doing nothing.
The festive season doesn’t have to be a tug-of-war. With a clear plan and a shared commitment to your tamariki’s wellbeing, both homes can create joyful, low-stress memories that last.
Learn more
At PCNZ, we help separated families build practical, child-focused parenting plans that work through every season.
Learn more about how Parenting Coordination New Zealand can support your family.